How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
