we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
