mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
