I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
