He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
