so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
