Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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