If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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