I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my shit smells like andre
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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