i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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