She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
