someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
