my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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