I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize