someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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