did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
