YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
