it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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