you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
