I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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