yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
