so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize