Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
