Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
