If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
