So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
