he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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