"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
operation harelip BJ is a go
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
