oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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