im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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