Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
