There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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