Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
