R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
