You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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