The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
