Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
