Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
