living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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