Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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