remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
