and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
