ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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