I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
