Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
