I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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