FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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