xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
