I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
