How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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