I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
