just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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