I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
