carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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