I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
