I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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