Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Randomize
