she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
