More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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