it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dear god my vagina.
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