when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize