never play flip cup with pint glasses
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
