Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
