Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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