there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
