please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
