omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Duck Duck Cougar?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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