you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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