yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
